Walk of life

Silence is all around. Life seems devoid of all emotions. No excitement, no anticipations, no assumptions, no love, no hatred, no pain, no desperation, no ambition, no pride, no honour, no achievement.

This is how regular life is I guess. This is how it feels when you stop at times to take rest. Mind you, it’s not contemplation, not retrospection, it’s just a walk on the beach of time, where the only concern you have is to pull your feet out of sand moment that it’s trapped in, only to fall trap to another moment in time. The beach is endless! The time is infinite. And it always has been. But I’ve been running since long.

Once I was a kid, and I recall walking on this beach. It was all full of pleasure and fun. Then came adolescence, then youth, and now, I’m one of the fastest horses on this beach. Not only that, it had made me pride, it had made me tired, and now, I’m addicted to it. I run, I get tired. I stop, I try and walk, but I just can’t. I start my run again, get tired again… This beach has been teasing me, showing me targets to achieve, but they’ve all been fake. I achieved some, I failed at times. But the outcomes didn’t matter. What mattered was running, because they made me full, they made me ME. I could have been a different me, running at a different speed, at a different part of the beach, but I am where I am, and I am what I am.

But now I wonder, because once, I was indeed a kid. And back then, I literally can’t run. Metaphorically today, I can’t WALK! No matter how tired I may be, I need to run behind my targets, my goals, my passions, my fire, my desire. Why? Because walking makes me anxious, it makes me fear. Fear what? Probably of my presence, my existence, my significance! Don’t know what all. But it makes me sick, or at least, it used to make me sick.

I asked Buddha, I asked Krishna, I asked my parents, I asked my friends. They say I need to choose for myself. We are all a different case, running at a different pace, living a different life, thinking we are doing right… Well, in this world where there’s no wrong and no right, arguments would just be void.

So here I am, on the beach of sand, walking… yes, emotionally empty, spiritually empty, logically empty, I WALK! At least, for a while...